The reality is that when you go through a family law dispute or custody battle, your lawyer will be your most important partner and team member as you navigate the legal process. The outcome of your legal dispute will be greatly affected based on how well your partnership with your lawyer works. From the beginning, you want to make sure that you take every effort to find the right lawyer that fits your needs. You should feel that your lawyer is listening to you and can identify your ultimate goals.

What does your lawyer need to know?

1. Personal data about you, your spouse, and your children (if any)

2. What forms of legal relief you are seeking – A divorce? Custody? Spousal support?

3. The history of the relationship or marriage with the opposing party or side

4. Current concerns about the opposing party or side that may present challenges during the legal process

5. Financial information

6. Any legal documents that may impact the family law matter

7. Your goals and expectations

What does your lawyer expect from you?

1. Although no client is perfect, a lawyer will appreciate when a client is calm, organized, well-prepared, and willing to listen to difficult information.

2. Communication, communication, communication. Your lawyer will expect that you respond to any emails or phone calls especially if time is of the essence.

3. Honesty is key. Remember, the partnership with your lawyer is protected by attorney-client privilege. This is the strongest form of confidentiality that the law provides. Therefore, should a detail or issue impact your family law case, you must share and be honest with your lawyer about these details or issues.

4. Not everything is an emergency; therefore, you will not be able to get in contact with your lawyer immediately and on a 24-hour-per-day basis. If a true emergency arises, call “911.”

5. Your lawyer is generally not a trained mental health professional and is not your psychologist. Should you find that you are having difficulty coping with the loss of your marriage or changed living situation, seek out help from a trained mental health professional.  

6. Your lawyer did not create the judicial system and cannot change the law to accommodate your case. Your lawyer is here to help you navigate the current legal system, regardless of how ‘broken’ the system may be.  

7. Your lawyer will be expected to be paid on time and in full. Unfortunately, there is no constitutional right to have a lawyer in the divorce process or when seeking custody of your children. Therefore, legal services are provided for a fee that is to be paid directly by a client. However, depending on the specific legal claims you are seeking, your lawyer may be able to work with you in seeking reimbursement of attorney’s fees from the opposing side.

A divorce or custody battle is not going to be easy. Your lawyer will have bad news for you, and you will feel frustrated or disappointed from time to time as you endure the process. Try not to take these frustrations out on your lawyer, as this may hinder your lawyer's ability to utilize every possible resource for you and your unique situation. Unfortunately, a law degree does not imbue magic skills or the ability to predict the future.

CAUTION: There is a lot of “legal advice” out there that will contradict the advice from your lawyer, especially on Google and Facebook. Since everyone has a unique perspective and many individuals have been through a family law dispute themselves in the past, these ‘trusted friends and family members’ will want to share their opinions. Remember: your legal case is not their legal case. Therefore, you should remain extremely cautious in following said advice without first consulting your lawyer. In these instances, remember that you may be threatening your partnership with your lawyer, or more importantly, you may be threatening the outcome of your legal dispute should you act against the legal advice from your lawyer. 

If you are looking for quality legal representation to help you navigate the judicial system, our Modern Legal team is here to help. 

Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country. 

Written by: Theresa E. Viera