Halloween is upon us, and the monsters will be out soon in full costume. As a family law attorney, I recognize monsters that come in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, monsters are not confined to this one time of year. Here are a few “monsters” that commonly appear when the law and the family collide:
- A “Handshake Agreement”: One moment you and the other parent are on speaking terms, and there is a verbal agreement regarding time with the child that will be split in a specific way. Everything is fine for a few months, and then things begin to change – one side begins “breaking the rules” of the verbal agreement in one way or another, and now you are in an attorney’s office to “fix” the problem. In North Carolina, without a signed document or court order clarifying the parenting arrangement, there is no way for an attorney to enforce what you two said to each other. Along with not being able to enforce the verbal agreement, an attorney cannot hold the “bad” parent accountable or punish them for the bad actions they have taken. I understand that a good parent “should” do a lot of things; however, a parent is not “required” to do anything legally speaking unless the parenting arrangement is in writing and written into a legally enforceable document. When a parenting arrangement is agreed upon, I generally recommend formalizing the agreement in what is called a “Consent Order.” A Consent Order includes a signed agreement between you and the other parent that is presented to a judge for their signature and filing with the Court. Once the Consent Order is filed with the Court, the violating party can be held accountable for their actions in a courtroom. My advice: put any “handshake agreement,” especially one dealing with the custody and/or support of a child in in a legally enforceable document; and if possible, go one step further and get such document signed and filed with the Court. This will provide as much protection as possible for both the parties as well as the children.
- Moving out of state in child custody cases: North Carolina is relatively firm on this “unwritten rule” – A party who relocates out of state will not be granted primary custody of the child. This particular issue can cause significant issues if you want to move out of state with the goal of creating a new chapter in your life. This could be for a new job offer, the need to care for out-of-state family members, or you wish to relocate with a new partner – these are common reasons you may want to move away from North Carolina. If you are currently in or seeking a shared or primary custody arrangement, stop and think about the effect this decision will not only have on the child but also any custody arrangement. Without consent from the other parent, a Judge may step in to adjust the parenting arrangement with the non-moving party retaining primary custody.
- Undocumented Domestic Violence: Domestic Violence is the repeated use and pattern of various tactics to exert power and control over another person. The tactics can include any one or a combination of physical, emotional, psychological, and financial tactics. Even if such tactics are not directed at a child, exposure alone may also prove harmful and considered child abuse by a Court. When bringing cases or issues of Domestic Violence to a courtroom, evidence is key, preferably in the form of documentation, pictures, videos, or witnesses. Very often, victims of Domestic Violence come to attorneys seeking relief from the abuse they and possibly family members are suffering. Just as frequently, there are victims with little to no documented evidence of these experiences. Whether said abuse materializes in the form of isolation, refusing access to finances, physical violence, mental and emotional manipulation, or any other assertion of power and control, breaking the cycle of violence and holding abusers accountable is crucial. Without evidence though, seeking protection, accountability, and justice proves extremely difficult in a courtroom. If you or anyone you know is or may be in an abusive relationship, document what is happening in some way. If you are a friend or loved one of someone who you think may be a victim, continue reaching out and lending support. Even if it is just a listening ear – when an opportunity to create more safety presents itself, the victim is going to need your support.
As you enjoy all that comes with Halloween – the suspense, the horror, and the excitement – keep in mind the very real “legal” monsters that impact families enduring a separation, divorce, or custody dispute.
If you are experiencing any “monsters” where the law and your family collide, our Modern Legal team is here to help.
Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
Family is at the heart of everything I do, both personally and professionally. As a Family Law Attorney, I combine my passion for helping others with my unique journey—from growing up as the eldest child in a single-parent household to becoming the first attorney in my family. My experiences shaped my dedication to advocating for families in their most critical moments. Whether you’re building, protecting, or securing your family’s future, I’m here to help you find meaningful resolutions tailored to your needs.
