You finally found your “forever partner” or your “soulmate,” and the invitation to wed has been accepted. The sheer elation felt is met with images of the wedding festivities yet to be shared with family and friends. Regardless of your past, religion, culture or financial situation, every marriage is a celebration of love. The very last thing you even want to think about is the law.

Despite our tendency to avoid the awkward and uncomfortable, as your family law attorney, I also want to remind you that a marriage is more than simply a change in status, it is also a legal contract that changes the financial and legal interests of each spouse literally overnight.

Although most people will perform at least a cursory review of all obligations assumed when signing a contract, most people avoid the discussions surrounding the legal obligations assumed on the date of the wedding because they want to focus on “happily ever after” than considering the law. Ask yourself, if you are married or have ever been married, did you meet with a family law attorney prior to the wedding date to discuss how the law applies to your marriage? Do you know how the laws apply to a divorce should one occur? Did you meet with your tax attorney or accountant to discuss the marital tax implications? Did you have the conversation with anyone, including your soon-to-be spouse, on what happens if the marriage hits a rough patch or, even worse, fails?

Reality Check: Married persons understand more about their car loan contract than their marriage contract.

Once a marriage occurs, legally speaking, your rights have changed drastically. This includes your right to own property as well as assuming the obligation to financially provide for your now spouse. For example: in North Carolina, when you buy real property after the date of the wedding, it will be assumed by the law that you and your spouse are purchasing said real property as one marital unit and in a tenancy by the entireties. In non-legalese, effectively the marriage owns the property (not you and not your spouse).

Of greater concern is the significant lack of understanding of how divorce works. Rarely do newly wedded parties understand what happens to cash-flow, assets and debts, and children should a divorce ensue. Thus, before the wedding day, here is your legal list of to-do’s:

1.     Discuss Marriage with your Family Law Attorney. Speaking with an attorney provides clarity on the legal implications of marriage, marital rights, and divorce. Our society and its fond view of matrimony have created a wedding culture that would rather ignore legal implications because of the shared hope that divorce will never occur. This then leaves vulnerable parties at the mercy of the applicable state laws that govern how a marriage is dissolved.

I mean, I get it. We would rather focus on the “fun” parts of marriage, not the often nerve-wracking legal parts of marriage. You tend to avoid the lawyer…until you are in legal trouble. But what if there was a way to avoid legal trouble altogether? What if there was a way to not only celebrate the love you share with your significant other, but also enter said marriage contract fully informed and empowered? Talk to a family law attorney; and encourage your spouse to do the same. With everything on the table and everyone informed of their legal rights, you are establishing a strong foundation upon which to build your future together.

2.     Discuss Marriage with other related Professionals.

a.     Accountant – Learn about the tax implications that are unique to your financial circumstance both before and after the wedding date. Although it is true that the tax laws were developed in such a way as to promote marriage, laws are created with greater societal goals in mind; therefore, the applicable laws may not actually favor your specific family’s situation.

b.     Financial Advisor – Especially if your goal after the wedding date is to combine finances, a Financial Advisor can assist how to make this transition. Simply put, you and your spouse will not always agree on when to save and when to spend. After working with clients through hundreds of divorces, I have observed that financial conflict and hardships tend to be one of the leading issues in marriages that result in divorce. And at times, there is one spouse trying to be “a good provider” but gets the marriage into significant financial trouble; the money used to create a very comfortable but inflated lifestyle turns out to be borrowed money.  The best time to create your first financial plan together is before the wedding day. After the wedding day, regular financial meetings will keep you on the right track.

c.      Marriage Therapist – The need for therapy should not automatically coincide a presumption that anything is wrong with an individual or the relationship. Rather, in this circumstance, a therapist can ensure that both of the soon-to-be spouses are mentally and emotionally on the same page before the wedding day. Additionally, therapists provide valuable resources on how to handle the significant life change associated with marriage as well as the predictable conflict that will arise. There are very few things more important in a successful marriage than figuring out healthy ways to handle conflict. 

d.     Religious or Spiritual Leader – Although being of the same faith or belief system is not a requirement to have a successful marriage, it is important to recognize that with religious and spiritual beliefs come certain core values that govern how we see ourselves and our relationships. Ensuring that you are on the same page in understanding each other’s beliefs and figuring out ways to ensure the marriage is a priority will help ensure a successful marriage. 

3.     Consider a Prenuptial Agreement.

a.     Word to the Wise: The Law is extremely confusing and not necessarily logical. I mean, North Carolina law states that you have to be separated a year before you can file for a divorce…even if your marriage lasted less than a year. “Gray” areas of the law lead to very messy and expensive legal disputes that can last years. You are not going to get divorced, got it! Pretty much every person I have ever talked to never thought divorce would ever been in their life’s plan. In the same vein, you still have car insurance despite never planning on a car accident, and you still have health insurance despite never planning on receiving a life-threatening diagnosis. Should a divorce result, the laws of your respective state or jurisdiction will apply. Even as a family law attorney, I cringe of the thought that the law and a stranger dictate what happens with my family and my finances. A prenuptial agreement is a way that you and your soon-to-be spouse can discuss during a period of love and understanding what should happen in the event the marriage does not work out.

b.     If you and your soon-to-be spouse agree on signing a Prenuptial Agreement, remember to keep in mind the following:

i.     Get a clear picture of each of party’s asset and debt situations prior to the date of marriage. This includes any deferred compensation, separate ownership interests, or any inheritances that either of you expect to receive in the future.

ii.     Discuss the income-earning abilities and employment opportunities between you and your future spouse. This will likely change over time since many people change careers over their lifetimes. Unfortunately, some career choices do not necessarily lead to high paychecks. However, if the two of you recognize the possibility that one person will become the primary income-earner, then the two of you will want to discuss what happens in the event of a separation or divorce to ensure each of your financial needs are met. This may include specifying spousal support (i.e. Alimony) payments should a separation or divorce occur. 

iii.     Figure out if any creative provisions want to be included. For example: in North Carolina, you cannot sue a cheating spouse for monetary damages in the event of an extramarital affair. However, should Justin Timberlake cheat on his wife Jessica Biel, he will owe her a hefty $500,000 due to the infidelity clause in their prenuptial agreement. Learn more here.

iv.     Divorce laws are different in every state. In the same vein, prenuptial agreement laws are also different in every state. Discuss jurisdiction matters with your family law attorney to ensure your agreement’s enforceability.

Have the tough talks before your wedding day. Once your special day comes, you can then refocus on the love you share and the life you want to build together. With these protective measures in place, maybe we can also shift the divorce rate in favor of successful and happy marriages. 

If you would like to learn more about Marital Rights, our Modern Legal team is here to help. 

Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country. 

Written by: Theresa E. Viera