The Only Certainty
The only certainty in life is change. Change inhibits our ability to control. Change prevents our ability to predict the future. Change is guaranteed as life moves forward, even when we want everything to stop.
Even as my client sits across the conference room table begging me to tell them what will happen to their children, their finances, and their lives through the family law litigation process…the only real thing I can guarantee is that everything will change. Is this scary? Yes. Do some of my clients get frustrated? Yes. Can emotions become seemingly uncontrollable? Yes. And all of this is okay. However, because everything will change, it is crucial to employ certain tools to influence that change toward favorable outcomes:
Breath. Seriously, do not forget to breath. Failure to breath has literally led to fainting spells in the middle of trial prep and forgetting one’s name when testifying in the Courtroom. More importantly though, breathing has the ability to ground and calm your nervous system. Really good “breathers” can even control their heartbeat with the breath. Breath in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 1-3, and then exhale for a count of 8.
“Breath is the first thing we do coming into this life, breath is the last thing we do leaving this life, and breath regulates everything in between.” – H.W. Mann
Take a Shower. Even typing the words remind me of when my mother would remind me to take a shower. I practiced good hygiene as a child, I promise. However, when I was sick with a cold or a stomach bug in particular, I did not want to take a shower. I always felt that the energy output by getting into the shower would simply be too overwhelming; and yet, I felt at least a little bit better after I finished the shower. It wasn’t until I studied more about the benefits of a shower or bath that I learned cleanliness was the tip of the iceberg. Other benefits of taking a shower or bath include:
– Decreased Anxiety
– Increased Energy (especially a cold shower in the morning)
– Increased levels of “Mood-Boosting” hormones
– Increased Productivity and Creativity (Have you ever developed a great idea in the shower?)
Organize your Time and Efforts. Change will prevent you from controlling every aspect of your life. However, finding what you can control will empower you to pursue the life you desire. You can control your calendar. You can control how much or how little effort you put into a project or situation. You can decide if and how to respond to life’s challenges. Explore what brings you fulfillment, and then to the extent possible, organize your time and efforts to focus on fulfillment related activities.
When setting boundaries for your time and efforts – as many people around you will keep taking until you are completely drained – learn to say “No.” This is my personal favorite because at the end of the day, I am not able to be in two places at one time and one of my most important appointments on my calendar is “me time.” “No” is not a negative when it comes to your boundaries. Rather, “No” is a complete sentence that can be employed to protect your time, energy, and physical and emotional well-being.
When you take care of yourself, the certainty of change shifts from a dreadful prospect to an exciting adventure.
If you or someone you know is having a hard time mentally, emotionally, or physically as they endure the family law litigation process, our team at Modern Legal is here to help.
Written by: Theresa E. Viera
