It is common to avoid what is unpleasant, and there are few things more unpleasant than the common matters in family law litigation such as child custody, child support, property distribution, and spousal support. Like all coping skills, avoidance can have its place; however, in terms of family law litigation, coping by use of avoidance can cause significant, unintended, and negative consequences that may not be reversible.
Once a lawsuit is filed with the Clerk of Court and it has been given to you (“served”), you generally have thirty days to respond to what is being asserted in the Complaint and asked of the Court. If you choose to avoid this deadline and act as though this lawsuit does not exist, the Court is allowed to and likely will treat your silence as an admittance of everything in the Complaint. An “Answer” is your first opportunity to deny any such allegations and begin telling your side of the situation. With “Counterclaims,” you can also make your own assertions and requests of the Court. Be advised: Should your “Answer and Counterclaims” not include certain defenses or responses, then you may have missed an opportunity to obtain the relief you believe you are owed.
Even if you avoid life, life will go on. In a similar fashion, the litigation process will continue even if you decide not to participate in the process. Hearings will be scheduled and conducted in your absence. In family law, yes this means that some of the most intimate decisions will be made without your input. A Judge has the authority to decide what happens to your home, your finances, and your children should you choose to “avoid” the litigation process. Once an Order of the Court is made, it is extremely difficult and sometimes impossible to reverse or change it – you will be expected to abide by the Order or face harsh consequences for any violations. Additionally, the Court could impose financial obligations upon you, such as Attorney Fees incurred by the other party. Yes, you could end up with an Order that was entered outside of your presence and you may end up with an attorney fees bill for an attorney you never hired…and this happens much more often than you think.
The Court system is far from perfect; however, the law exists to ensure that you have access to assert your legal rights and seek the assistance of a Judge when needed. Especially in family court, where we are dealing with matters closest to your personal life – home, finances, children; avoidance carries too high of a cost. Protect your ability to speak up and say how those things should be handled by doing what is uncomfortable – get involved. When you receive paperwork from the Court, do not delay. Take the documents to an attorney as soon as you can because the “clock” is ticking. Avoidance may feel good in the moment, but it squanders the possibility you have to let your voice be heard.
“Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” – Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice 1993-2020
If you or someone you know has just received court papers involving their family or finances, our team at Modern Legal is here to help.
Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
Family is at the heart of everything I do, both personally and professionally. As a Family Law Attorney, I combine my passion for helping others with my unique journey—from growing up as the eldest child in a single-parent household to becoming the first attorney in my family. My experiences shaped my dedication to advocating for families in their most critical moments. Whether you’re building, protecting, or securing your family’s future, I’m here to help you find meaningful resolutions tailored to your needs.
