Back to School: Education for Parents
Divorce without children is difficult. Divorce with children can prove more difficult. Now your children are from a “broken home” according to the neighbors…and you cannot help but take responsibility for its breaking, at least in part. You have endured the sharing to your family, your friends, and the children that you are getting a divorce. As children across the country return to the classroom and there is some semblance of normalcy amid this pandemic, have you considered what to tell the teacher?
Teachers are tasked with the extremely difficult job of educating your child. Teachers work tirelessly to provide an individualized educational experience to each child, which means they need to know what is impacting your child’s social and emotional well-being. This includes divorce or a contested family dispute. As a parent, here is your task list on next steps:
Schedule a 15-minute phone call with the teacher: Open House is not the time to tell the teacher what your child is going through. Your children in particular do not need to overhear a conversation between you and the teacher about personal business. Schedule a separate time to talk to the teacher to update him or her on what is going on at home and how your child is handling the transition. Ask the teacher to inform you if he or she notices any changes. These changes could involve your child’s approach to learning or they could involve destructive or deteriorating behaviors in general.
Do not bash your ex: When you get the chance to share your family’s situation with the teacher, do not talk negatively about your ex. Regardless of your emotional state surrounding your divorce or dispute (proud, sad, or otherwise), your child’s education is not about you, it is about your children. And the teacher is there to provide the best education possible for your child. In fact, the teacher does not need to know all of the ‘juicy’ details; a brief overview of the situation will suffice. Let the teacher know about the physical custody arrangement because the school and teacher should know which parent to expect at school events or pick-ups/drop offs. Also make sure you share information about which parent is able to make important decisions about your child, and that your ex is to be provided educational information as well, such as report cards and other updates (unless the custody order indicates otherwise). In some custody cases, the school may even request a copy of the custody order for the child’s school file. A teacher’s job is hard enough; be a resource to the teacher instead of a burden.
The classroom is not an extension of the courtroom: If the deteriorated relationship with your ex is not evidence enough, remember, there will continue to be a lot of disagreements. You will want to “prove” you are right especially when something suggested by your ex is just plain wrong. Take all steps possible to avoid disagreements with your ex from spilling over and having a negative impact on your child’s education. Simply put, both parents and the teacher are on the same team when in the classroom: the child’s team. Do not impose on the teacher the animosity you feel toward your ex.
Find a way: Yes, the school supply list for a child’s education is lengthy and costly every single year. Find a way to get every single supply on it (and some extras). Make sure your children get the backpack and lunch box they crave. Make sure field trip money and signed forms are sent in, on time. Make sure your children have the clothes and shoes for school that make them feel comfortable and confident. Even though your entire paycheck may be covering your legal fees right now…find a way. Get a side hustle, ask family and friends to help, or organize a garage sale. Do whatever needs to be done to provide your children with the stability they need to succeed. Your children will spend more hours in a day at school (awake, anyway) than they will at home. School will provide them needed structure amidst the huge life change that is happening at home. Even though you are exhausted: Find.A.Way. Your children will never forget it.
As you work to establish a new normal for you and your children in the midst of a family dispute or divorce, ensure that you are setting your child up for success at home and at school. Dedicate some time to planning for how to meet the needs of your children socially, emotionally and financially, especially as your children are navigating the new normal both at home and among their peers in school. Divorce may create two homes for the children, but divorce does not have to break a child.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
