If I am divorced, I am alone. If I am single, I am alone. I do not want be alone.
The severe emotional toll of a divorce should never be underestimated. Everyone can relate to the feeling of grief when a loved one passes away, but it can be trickier to relate to the grief and emotion that accompanies the loss of a romantic relationship. I hear often that my clients do not want to “be alone.” And as most of my clients can testify, my response will generally start with, “I hear you.” I do hear each of my clients when they share details about the pain, anger, and other feelings associated with the grief of a divorce. In response, my goal is to not only provide for the legal needs of my clients, but to help empower them along the way. A common example of “empowerment representation” is to share and reiterate the message that “you are not alone.”
Exploring these terms further, we can discover that separating relationship status from our emotions can help in addressing grief and recovery from divorce.
The state of being alone is literally the status of being one person in a setting or room. For example: most people prefer to be alone in a bathroom. In this context, “being alone” in and of itself is not automatically a bad thing. However, it is the feeling of loneliness that we innately want to avoid or remedy.
This then leads to an association between “being single” and “feeling lonely.” The term “single” in our context is only a relationship status. Yes, if you divorce, your relationship status will change from “married” to “single” or “divorced.” A person’s emotions are not and should not be dependent by the relationship status though. In reality, the emotional state of loneliness is completely separate from a person’s relationship status. The feelings of loneliness are exhibited by many “married” individuals, and the feelings of inclusion, contentment, and joy are exhibited by many “single” or “divorced” individuals.
Being divorced is okay. Being alone is okay (especially in the bathroom). Being single is okay. Feeling lonely is okay too. But if you feel lonely, remember: you are not alone. You will survive this divorce, and resources are available and ready to help.
If you are feeling lonely in the midst of a family law dispute, our Modern Legal team is here to help.
By: Theresa E. Viera
Inspired by her own experiences with domestic violence and the family court system, Theresa E. Viera became the first lawyer in her family, graduating from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She has dedicated her career to helping families find healthy solutions through various legal tools, including negotiations, mediation, collaborative law, and litigation when necessary. With years of experience in Family Law, she strives to inspire others and make a positive impact on the lives of her clients, just as her mother’s attorney once inspired her.
