Unwilling or Unable to Sacrifice
I was thirteen years old. A rough year for many teenagers, but uniquely rough for me. I had endured the worst years of child abuse by my 12th birthday and had been to court on numerous occasions by my 13th birthday. On this day though, I remember asking my mom to go see a movie at the movie theater. I knew not to ask for much by this point in my childhood, as we were barely getting by financially. We had not been to the movie theater in years, and I just wanted to get out of the house and away from those repetitive Lifetime movies. After enduring already years of a court battle to obtain domestic violence protections and some form of “financial stability” through her divorce, my mother could see my yearning for an afternoon matinee movie as we had enjoyed so many times in the past.
For a little more context to my thirteen-year-old situation, I admittedly had grown up in a financially privileged manner up to that point. I had seen numerous Broadway shows by my eighth birthday, on Broadway. Yes, THAT one in New York City. My mom would dress me up in a fancy chiffon dress, despite my desire to wear jeans and a t-shirt. She would put on her Clinique makeup, stiletto heels, and fur coat. And my father would put on his knee-length 100% wool coat over his fancy tie and suit. When we showed up to the Broadway show entrance, well, I must say, we were a “good-looking” family. I still have the original Phantom of the Opera program (multiple pages sized at 11×13). To this day, Phantom of the Opera is one of my favorite Broadway shows.
But when I was thirteen, my mother could not tell me if we could even afford an afternoon matinee movie. The tickets at the time were $4.00 a piece (yes, it was THAT theater and it was THAT far in the past). I did not even need the popcorn, I just wanted to sit in a dingy, movie theater seat to see something on the “big screen” with my mother. My mom drove to the ATM that Sunday morning…and went to withdraw $20.00 (the minimum amount permitted to be withdrawn from an ATM since the bank was closed on the weekend). The ATM’s response: “Insufficient Funds.” We drove home.
I did not get to see a movie that day. At the next court hearing, when my mother told the story to the Judge, I remember hearing that movie tickets are not a “necessary expense.” I did not realize what the Judge was talking about until after I started practicing domestic law. And true: food, water, and shelter are “absolute necessaries.” But oh man, I could have really used an afternoon matinee movie when I was thirteen years old for my mental and emotional well-being.
I remember this story often, especially when I work with my clients to analyze how much will change because of a separation, a divorce, or a child custody dispute. Every once in a while, I also work with someone who is just unable or unwilling to sacrifice. And simply put, I get it.
I miss the days from my childhood of financial security and fancy Broadway shows. But I do not miss the days of abuse and terror inflicted upon my mother, my brother and me at the hands of my father. As I expressed to my mother when I was about eleven years old, I would rather live without the fancy clothes, the expensive cars, and the awe-inspiring shows if that meant I did not have to go to sleep in fear. And when push came to shove, I had to also give up on my hopes of an afternoon matinee movie when I was thirteen years old.
To anyone who may be thinking of divorce or is going through a family law dispute, you will have to decide what you are willing or unwilling to sacrifice. You will have to decide what you are able or unable to do without. And this task, is not an easy task.
If you or someone you know is enduring a family law matter, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Theresa E. Viera
