It is that time of year again – the holidays are upon us. For many, the holiday season is more stressful than joyful. And, if separation and divorce isn’t tough enough already, remembering to be thankful and keeping the peace amidst a family law dispute can create even more of a challenge.
If you are separated and have children, here are some tips to keep the joy in the holiday and have some peace:
- Planning. Whether you have a written parenting agreement or not, you will remove some stress in your life if you tackle the parenting schedule of how to share the holidays with your child’s other parent. Deciding how to handle this together in advance of the holiday break, will make your life much simpler.
For example, over Thanksgiving, most schools recess for the Thanksgiving holiday either the Tuesday or Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving Day. Some private schools may actually take the entire week off. That means there is a long weekend or week ahead. You and the other parent will want to decide how to handle that time period. Perhaps one of you will want to have the children in your care the entire break, or maybe you want to share the actual day of Thanksgiving and then resume the normal parenting schedule on the days before and after. These are decisions should be addressed well in advance, so that both the parents and the child can enjoy the holiday with an understanding of what is expected of everyone with respect to parenting time.
Many school calendars follow a Christian holiday schedule. Therefore, even if you do not celebrate the Christian holidays, chances are you are having some sort of celebration over this the December to January holiday period. Perhaps you celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Bodhi Day, Posadas Navi Denas, Boxing Day, or Solstice, among some other celebrations typically held in December. Remember to consider these celebrations if your family or the other parent’s family have participated in other celebrations. If you or the other parent typically celebrate something other than Christmas, acknowledge this reality and discuss whether you can arrange a parenting schedule so the children can experience all celebrations of faith.
The commonly termed Winter Holiday is also often an extended break. To keep things joyful and peaceful, planning in advance on how to spend time with the children over this long break is particularly important. Some parents like to alternate during the break with one parent having the beginning of the break until midway through the break, and then the children will spend time with the other parent until school resumes. Some parents want to have an exchange either on Christmas Day or the day after. Whatever your agreed upon schedule looks like, remember this schedule could also be alternated each year. Look at the holiday from the children’s perspective. Even if you are having to make an arrangement that you do not prefer, if the child wins, everyone wins. - Traditions. whether you are attempting to preserve old traditions or adopt new traditions, keep the child’s needs as the focus as you work with the other parent on what is best over the holiday season. Prioritize what all the Hallmark cards share: Joy and Peace. Eat the pumpkin pie or change it to a pecan pie, decorate the tree together and bake cookies, attend church services…or not – but also remember this is a good time to do what is right for your unique family dynamic.
- Ages of Children. Of course, joy and peace come in different forms depending on your age. When considering how to spend your holidays to keep joy and peace, consider the age of your children. If the children are still napping, take that into consideration. If the children still believe in Santa Claus, take that into consideration. If the children are teenagers, take that into consideration. Honestly, teens will likely want to spend time with friends rather than with you or the other parent. And, remember to find some time for yourself – that “me time” may bring you the most joy and peace over the holidays, and you are important too!
All adults and children experience some level of stress during the holiday season, and everyone wants to experience the magic of the holidays. With some planning, understanding what you want out of traditions, and creating workable travel plans, you can have a peaceful and joyful time.
And if an agreement seems impossible with the other parent, there is always a family law attorney just a phone call or email away! We wish you and your family the best during this holiday season!
If you or somebody you know wants to learn more about child custody and parenting time in the holidays, our team at Modern Legal is here to help.
Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country.
Prior to practicing family law, I worked for many years in the financial industry. While I enjoyed this career in business, I wanted to do more – I wanted to make an impact on the lives of my community that would empower my clients throughout the test of time. I wanted to work to make lives better and inspire people to make important decisions for themselves and for their families. I completed my undergraduate degree in Business at Queens University in Charlotte, North Carolina. Eighteen years later (2003) I received my law degree from Syracuse University College of Law. And, for over fifteen years, I have represented children through the Council For Children’s Rights Custody Advocacy Program.
