Navigating the legal system after leaving an unhealthy and abusive relationship can be emotionally exhausting. Court dates, custody battles, restraining orders— it is all overwhelming, and the stress can take a serious toll on your mental health. But healing is just as important as seeking justice. Balancing both is key to moving forward with strength and resilience. Here’s how to care for yourself while handling legal matters.
1. Prioritize Your Mental Health
The legal process can make you feel like you have to be “strong” all the time, but emotional exhaustion is real. Give yourself permission to feel everything — anger, grief, relief, fear — and seek support when you need it. Reality check: You won’t get to escape any of these emotions, unfortunately. These emotions are normal, and you have to go through them at your own pace. If you do not allow yourself to experience them in the beginning, you will at some point. Be kind to yourself and patient with your emotions as you work toward healing. It is a process and will take years. Remind yourself of this, especially on the days where you just want it all to go away.
- Find a Trauma-Informed Therapist – Look for counselors who specialize in domestic violence recovery. Websites like Psychology Today and The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) can help connect you to trauma-informed therapists.
- Join a Support Group – Talking to others who have been through similar experiences can help you feel less alone. Many local shelters and advocacy centers offer free support groups. I was part of an incredible group at my church called Divorce Care which did the trick for me, and the group introduced me to other people going through the same thing I was. It was so helpful to have a network.
- Practice Self-Compassion – Remind yourself: I am doing my best. Healing takes time. I deserve peace. And even “this” – this bad emotion, grief, anger, fear – is temporary.
2. Set Boundaries with the Legal Process
Dealing with courts, lawyers, and paperwork can be draining, so set limits where you can.
- Schedule Breaks – Block out time in your week for activities that have nothing to do with your case. Whether it is reading, exercise, or watching a show, you need mental space to recharge. Boundaries are allowed. You can even tell your attorney that you will not answer emails on the weekends or to please refrain from sending updates while you are away on vacation – whatever you need.
- Let Your Lawyer Handle What They Can – If you have legal representation, let them take on the heavy lifting. If you are handling your case alone, lean on victim advocates who can help with paperwork and court navigation. Throughout my 18-month separation and divorce period, my attorney would often remind me to let her take on the stress. Letting go of owning everything was really difficult for me, but she proved (time and time again) that she knew what she was doing. If I had it to do all over, I really would have stressed less about the paperwork and confided more in her word. She had a secure grasp on everything, and I could have saved myself a little peace.
- Limit Contact with Your Abuser – If possible, communicate through attorneys or court-approved apps like OurFamilyWizard to reduce direct conflict. Text and email are best, and these forms of written communication become evidence in court as needed. I also highly recommend that you have a trusted friend monitor your social media posts for you. You need someone holding you accountable and reminding you not to publicly express what should be dealt with privately between you and your ex.
3. Focus on Physical and Emotional Healing
Your body holds onto stress, so finding ways to release it is essential.
- Move Your Body – Exercise, stretching, or even a short walk outside can help reduce anxiety and improve your mood. I started seeing a chiropractor for the tension I was holding in my neck and shoulders, and it made a huge difference in my ability to relax.
- Get Enough Rest – Legal battles can cause sleepless nights, but good sleep is crucial for emotional stability. Create a bedtime routine that helps you unwind. It is completely normal to wake up in the middle of the night. For me, it was 3:12am EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I was so frustrated with this wake-up time, so I started planning for it. Instead of fighting sleep, I made a plan for what I would do when I woke up. I kept a journal by my bed which allowed me to jot down what was in my head. I also kept a mindless book nearby so I could read to make my eyes tired. Sometimes I even listened to praise and worship music. I tried not to turn on my television because that kept me awake. Find a routine that works for you.
- Nourish Yourself – Stress can make it easy to neglect meals. Even simple, nutritious foods can support your recovery and energy levels. I am not kidding when I tell you I lost 12 points in two weeks following my separation…because I just completely forgot to eat. Sounds funny at first, but when my family noticed they fed me donuts, and I had no problem getting that weight back on. People either tend to over eat or under eat during times of high stress. Smoothies worked well for me. Quick, easy and nutritious – especially when I couldn’t bring myself to eat much. Just do not forget to feed your kids…even if it’s PB&J or a pizza you ordered at the last minute. Make it a camp out and eat on the living room floor. You make it happen. And don’t forget to drink water…not only wine.
Healing and legal battles do not have to be separate journeys—you can do both, but only if you take care of yourself along the way. Remember, you are more than your legal case. You deserve peace, support, and a future filled with hope. Take it one step at a time—you are not alone.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
Inspired by her own experiences with domestic violence and the family court system, Theresa E. Viera became the first lawyer in her family, graduating from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She has dedicated her career to helping families find healthy solutions through various legal tools, including negotiations, mediation, collaborative law, and litigation when necessary. With years of experience in Family Law, she strives to inspire others and make a positive impact on the lives of her clients, just as her mother’s attorney once inspired her.
