Restructuring a family unit that involves children is often one of the most emotional parts of the divorce or separation process. Having a well thought out, comprehensive child custody arrangement can mean the difference between constant conflict and a smooth transition and experience toward co-parenting. North Carolina allows for parents to develop arrangements by agreement called Parenting Agreements or Consent Orders.
Here are some Tips in creating a Child Custody Arrangement that can lead your new family dynamic toward a healthy next chapter:
1. DO NOT DO THIS ALONE – Consult with an attorney.
There are numerous things that need to be thought through and addressed when developing a comprehensive child custody arrangement. While the relationship with the child’s other parent has ended, the requirement to effectively co-parent while leading separate lives is just beginning. Additional considerations include making major decisions for the child; the division of time with each parent on the regular day-to-day, during holidays, and summertime; evolving the parenting schedule over time; how to handle things like school and extracurricular activities; the existence of new dating partners; and travel with the child (including obtaining travel documents). But these are just some of the complex issues that should be discussed and thought out when developing a comprehensive child custody arrangement, and an experienced family law attorney can assist you through this process.
2. Consider the age(s) of the children.
No custody arrangement should look exactly alike. A custody arrangement for a teenager will have different dynamics and things to consider than an arrangement for a child who is under five. For example, custody schedules should take into consideration a child’s school and extracurricular activity schedule, especially when dealing with holidays. If your parenting schedule is created before the child is in school and does not address what happens when the child reaches school age, you will soon be left with no guidance on how to continue to co-parent and share time with your child – and the possibility of conflict increases. Avoid conflict by planning ahead.
3. Think of each parent’s lives – what makes sense?
While parental convenience takes a back seat to a child’s needs, it is still important to consider the context in which this child custody arrangement will exist. If you live several hours from the other parent, a common schedule of one parent having every other weekend may not be practical. Consider things like each parent’s work schedule, locations, and travel requirements as these can have significant impacts to a child custody arrangement.
4. Clarity is key.
People often fear the unknown, and fear brings anxiety. Clarity makes sure that everyone knows what to expect and how things will be handled. The more clarity an arrangement has, the less fear and anxiety will exist in the co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, when clarity is present, the children will have a schedule and system around them that they can depend on. This reduces the fear and anxiety for children as well. While no arrangement can cover every single possible scenario that may come up during the course of a child’s life, clarity in a Child Custody Arrangement from the start will significantly assist in the successful navigation of the parenting arrangement for both parents and the children involved.
5. Like all things – flexibility and compromise are required
It is vital to understand that neither parent will get 100% of what they want in a child custody arrangement. Each parent will need to be flexible and compromise at various points in this process. Flexibility and compromise on both sides will help reach the goal of providing a foundation for the child to develop a healthy relationship with each parent.
One lesson that co-parenting exposes is the need for parents to reach out for assistance as none of us can do everything on our own. If you are in need of help developing a comprehensive child custody arrangement, reach out and allow our experiences of past arrangements benefit you in the creation of Child Custody arrangement best suited for you and your new family structure.
If you are someone you know is going through a child custody dispute or needs help with a child custody arrangement, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
Family is at the heart of everything I do, both personally and professionally. As a Family Law Attorney, I combine my passion for helping others with my unique journey—from growing up as the eldest child in a single-parent household to becoming the first attorney in my family. My experiences shaped my dedication to advocating for families in their most critical moments. Whether you’re building, protecting, or securing your family’s future, I’m here to help you find meaningful resolutions tailored to your needs.
