The separation of spouses is stressful on everyone. When stress enters the picture, it is very easy for communication to become strained or otherwise problematic making the entire experience even more difficult to manage…especially if the spouses have children in common.
For children, this reality can make adjusting to a change in a family dynamic particularly hard. The communication between the parents becomes paramount to the children having an easier adjustment to the change in their family system.
A few tips to consider when establishing a communication style with a co-parent:
1. Give each other time to figure out what is the best form of communication right now. Maybe the separation is really new or particularly emotional. This can make talking face-to-face about issues involving the children unproductive and can often lead to arguing or other unhelpful communication styles. Perhaps email communication is best until the emotions behind the separation can be better managed, and face-to-face discussions are possible again.
2. Be in a calm space when having conversations. Avoid having conversations when you are rushing or otherwise cannot be fully engaged in the conversation. This can often increase the likelihood of misunderstanding something that is said and possibly shutting down the conversation altogether.
3. Focus discussions around the children. Children have a continued need for relationships with each parent and for stability within the new family dynamic. The marriage or romantic relationship may have broken down, but the children still have parents. The logistics of being jointly responsible for the care, development, and safety of children while in two separate households will take time to figure out. Keeping the conversations focused on those issues and not bringing in topics related to the relationship between you and the co-parent is paramount to maintaining civility within the communication.
4. Maintain boundaries with everyone involved. There will be new boundaries with the co-parent, the child, and with yourself that need to be respected if communication is to remain healthy. If there is a child custody order or parenting agreement in place – follow it. That order or agreement is what has been decided to provide stability for the children. It makes it easier to leave outside emotions out of the decisions when you go along with what is known and written. Keeping the children out of the discussions between you and the co-parent reenforces that those issues are for the adults. The children’s only job is to enjoy and continue to develop the relationship with each of their parents, and thus they should not be put “in the middle.”
5. Seek the help of professionals whenever necessary. Communication is difficult, even under the best of conditions. High emotions and differing perspectives often make it difficult to maintain healthy communication. This is when the professional is best utilized. They can come in and provide neutral observations and work to identify, establish, and develop the skills necessary to improve the communication.
Change takes time to adjust to. It is not impossible to do, and if there was ever a reason to make sure such an adjustment happens in as healthy a way as possible – the health and happiness of your children has to take the top spot.
If you are in the midst of changing family dynamics, we are ready to get the tools in place to help make that happen with a healthy first step forward.
If you or someone you know would like to learn more about Co-Parenting keys, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina and South Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
Family is at the heart of everything I do, both personally and professionally. As a Family Law Attorney, I combine my passion for helping others with my unique journey—from growing up as the eldest child in a single-parent household to becoming the first attorney in my family. My experiences shaped my dedication to advocating for families in their most critical moments. Whether you’re building, protecting, or securing your family’s future, I’m here to help you find meaningful resolutions tailored to your needs.
