Communication is Key: The Five Love Languages
“Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.” We have long known and understood that to have a successful relationship of any kind, effective communication is necessary. Looking at romantic relationships, Gary Chapman outlined five ways romantic partners express and experience love in his book: The 5 Love Languages.
In the field of family law, we are privy to the dissolution of intimate relationships, and at the root of many of these dissolutions is an issue with communication. For many, it can seem as though the two people involved in the relationship are speaking completely different languages. Another common issue is the lack of feeling heard or understood by their partner. Often times we approach situations from our own perspective and not the perspective of the receiver. One example could be what we have long considered the Golden Rule: “treat others as you want to be treated.” Perhaps the more appropriate rule is to “treat others as they wish to be treated.”
Gary Chapman proposes that while it is important for one to know how they receive and show love, it is equally if not more important for one to understand how their significant other receives and shows love. In other words, it is more important to understand the language of your partner so you communicate with them in a way they can hear and more importantly understand what you are saying to them.
The five “languages” are:
1. Words of Affirmation – saying “I love you” and giving compliments
2. Quality Time – spending time with each other while paying attention to one another
3. Acts of Service – doing something for the other to make life easier – doing laundry, preparing meals, or taking out the trash
4. Receiving Gifts – giving things (thoughtful gifts over cost); and
5. Physical Touch – physical signs of affection such as hand holding or “welcome home” kiss
Imagine one partner shows love (and then theoretically understands love) through Words of Affirmation so they are always telling their partner how they love them and giving them compliments. Yet, their partner shows and understands love through Quality Time. It is possible that because the partner understands love as spending time together and not by receiving compliments, tensions can arise as they are not “feeling” or “hearing” the language of love in terms of how they understand love. Although only one example, if a partner does not make sure their partner feels loved, this reality can erode the relationship to a point of no return.
Relationships are built on communication and communication requires listening. In order to listen to others, there needs to be a willingness to understand the other person’s point of view. Understanding how your partner shows and receives love is a necessary component for intimate relationships. Gary Chapman provides a framework to begin exploring this with your partner. Give it a shot and see how the communication between you and a significant other can improve!
To take the Love Languages Quiz, click here.
If you or someone you know is enduring a family law matter because of the breakdown in the relationship, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
