Talking to kids about divorce is never easy, but it is even more complicated when they are older. Unlike younger children, teenagers and young adults process divorce with more awareness, emotions, and sometimes even judgment. As a parent, you want to be honest while also protecting their emotional well-being. Now that my kids are 14 and 20, I have learned that the conversation does not stop after the initial split—it evolves over time. Here’s how to navigate these discussions in a way that fosters trust, understanding, and resilience.

1. Be Honest, But Keep It Balanced

Teenagers and young adults appreciate honesty, but that does not mean they need every painful detail. They want the truth without feeling like they have to pick sides or be their parent’s emotional support system.

  • For a 14-Year-Old: Keep explanations straightforward. “Your dad and I had differences we couldn’t work through, and staying together wouldn’t have been healthy for any of us.”
  • For a 20-Year-Old: Young adults may push for deeper conversations. If they ask tough questions, be truthful but fair. “There were problems in our marriage that couldn’t be fixed, and parting ways was the best choice for both of us.”

2. Give Them Space to Process

Older kids and young adults will have their own emotions about the divorce, and those feelings may change over time. They might not always want to talk about it right away, and that’s okay.

  • For a 14-Year-Old: They might express their emotions through attitude, withdrawal, or frustration. Let them know they can talk when they are ready. “I know this isn’t easy, and you don’t have to talk about it right now. Just know I’m here whenever you need.”
  • For a 20-Year-Old: Young adults may reflect on the divorce differently as they grow. They might wonder how it shaped their own relationships, and they may want to learn more about how divorce can affect their perspectives of romantic relationships in the future. Keep the door open for ongoing discussions. “I know the divorce impacted you in different ways, and I’m always here if you want to talk through anything.”

3. Support Their Relationship with Both Parents

  • For a 14-Year-Old: Reassure them they do not have to take sides. “You don’t have to feel guilty about loving both of us. Your relationship with your dad is yours to have, and I’ll always respect that.”
  • For a 20-Year-Old: A young adult may have already formed their own opinions. If they struggle with their relationship with the other parent, let them process it on their own terms. “It’s okay to have complicated feelings. Whatever you decide about your relationship with your dad, I support you.”

Divorce is a lifelong adjustment, even for older kids. The best thing you can do is provide honesty, stability, and unconditional love. Let them process in their own way, offer emotional support when they need it, and reassure them that your love for them has never changed. At 14 or 20, they still need to know that no matter what, they have a parent who will always be there.

– Anonymous Client

“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.

Similar Posts