Clear Vision
As you move through the separation and divorce process, you may find yourself craving some sort of instant gratification as a means to tell yourself that “you are okay.” Maybe you post something on social media to get quick reactions and reinforcement from others. Maybe you shop until you drop because it numbs your pain a bit. Perhaps you bury yourself in your work so you do not have time to think about anything else. You may even turn to alcohol or some other substance for instant gratification.
Believe me when I say: no instant gratification “tool” will ever resolve the pain and inner turmoil you are experiencing through the separation and divorce process. We want instant gratification in life and for it all to be over…but you just cannot get that in divorce.
To start the healing process, build a vision for your future:
Go new places: You may be sad that the places you and your spouse once frequented are no longer special and possibly even painful. Let those places go! Build a vision for your future by making a list of new places you want to explore. Visit them with new people. Make new memories!
Watch new shows: Just before our separation, my ex-husband and I started watching a particular show we enjoyed together. To make it even worse, he moved out right when the show was getting really good and I wanted to see what was going to happen next. Sigh. I knew watching more episodes would only be a reminder of our irreparable marriage and the painful final memories together. To protect my well-being, I never went back to watch the show. Rather, I started watching new shows–particularly ones that I knew he would not have agreed to watch. I was missing out!
Read new books: Grab a mindless book and tear through it. New genres mean new escapes. I had never read fantasy, but what a better way to discover a new realm of creativity. I am now obsessed with my new book series in the fantasy genre. This reading time has really helped me love my own company and cherish alone time.
Set new expectations for your Ex: The hardest lesson for me to learn was to drop any martial expectations that I once held for my Ex. If he did not respond to a text in a reasonable amount of time, I had to let that go. He is no longer accountable to me as my husband. I am no longer his wife. So long as he complies with the legal obligations, I have no right to expect anything more of him. I have built a new vision for our relationship and it is simply one of business…and nothing more.
As you build your vision for the future, remind yourself that you are gaining more than you are losing. You may not know what tomorrow will bring, but the possibilities are limitless!
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
