Single and …oh, so Ready to Mingle?
Following my separation, I knew I needed support. I am a very optimistic person, but I was crying…a lot. I felt alone and very, very single. I was having a difficult time remembering to take things minute by minute, and my mind was jumping too far into the future. I needed to be recentered so I joined a local Divorce Support Group.
I would summarize my participation in this group as life changing…and I’m not exaggerating one bit. Through my attendance in this support group, I met incredible people who all own a different story and circumstance but all share in the grief and emotions that separation and the associated legal processes bring. It was great to be part of a group where I felt “normal” and “accepted.”
While working with that group, we discussed dating, and they advised that you remain single for one month for every year that you were married. For example: If you are married for 24 years, then you should remain single for 24 months or 2 years. I was married for a pretty long time, so my response: “What?!?!” I felt like this was kind of crazy advice for someone who had not been single since high school!
Furthermore, they encouraged us to work with our legal counsel to ensure that terms for future relationships were outlined in our separation agreement or court documents. I brought this suggestion to my attorney, and she agreed that this was outstanding advice! Who knew?
Speak to your attorney about the terms of future relationships as it relates to separation and divorce, for both you and the opposing party. Some considerations include: When can either parent introduce a new significant other to your children? Are there specific parameters that can be put in place? Can the significant other pick the children up from school? Provide childcare? Discipline the children? Think through these details and decide on what you feel is best for your situation. Discuss all of your thoughts and concerns with your attorney. Your separation agreement and other settlement documents can outline terms and conditions for protecting yourself and your children. Although you cannot prevent the opposing party from moving into a new relationship and the possibility of you doing the same when the time is right, you can agree to some terms that will protect everyone involved, especially the children.
Personal Recommendation: As you work your way through the divorce process, there will be days when you are excited about being single because you can control the remote to the television, the dinner choices, and even when the bed gets made. There will also be days where you may feel alone, single and ready to mingle. Protect your heart and allow yourself time to properly heal before moving into something new. Be cautious of what your children overhear or are exposed to. Outline your terms and conditions for future relationships in your settlement documents and hold true to those. They are for your protection as well as the protection of your children. You deserve the best future possible.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
