Divorce is a life-altering event that impacts not only the couple involved, but also their children. While co-parenting can be a harmonious experience, it can also be fraught with financial and emotional challenges. Shared custody arrangements can be both a blessing and a challenge, especially when it comes to traveling with your children. Here are some strategies to save your sanity.
My ex-spouse and I rarely argue…because we rarely speak. We are committed to a partnership limited to communication related to the wellbeing and expenses related to our children. When we do argue, you can be sure it is about one of two things: money or time with the kids, which always draws us back to our custody agreement. When we cannot agree to share time outside of the legal agreement, we hold ourselves to the agreement.
One of the most immediate financial challenges post-divorce is the division of assets and managing two separate households. When it comes to traveling with your children, you may find it difficult to cover the costs of the trips, accommodations, and activities. It is important to plan your finances carefully to ensure that your children can still experience memorable vacations and opportunities, even absent a two-income household. I have found it useful to create a budget specifically for travel expenses with the children, and communicating dates of anticipated travel to my ex-spouse as in advance of the trip as possible.
Child support payments may not be intended for travel expenses which can lead to disputes or financial stress. Navigating the legal aspects of child support and travel can be complex; so be sure to consult with your favorite family law attorney to understand your rights and obligations regarding child support and travel expenses. If needed, ensure that your agreement includes clear provisions for how travel costs will be handled if to be divided, by whom the expense will be paid, and what associated communication about travel is expected or required. My ex-spouse and I are required to notify the other of our destination, flight information, dates of travel and how to get in touch with the other parent when we are traveling.
Traveling can be a mixed bag of emotions for children of divorced parents. They may feel torn between their two homes, and parents which can cause anxiety or confusion depending on the age of the children. I have found that my children benefit from open and honest communication about upcoming trips and reassurance that both parents love and care for them. I encourage my kids to journal when they feel like they cannot talk about something. I work very intentionally to coordinate travel plans and make decisions about my children’s well-being that do not lead to conflict with my ex-spouse. Again, communication is key but difficult when you do not like speaking to someone. I communicate over text or email with my ex-spouse because I have found that it is important to have such agreements or adjustments in writing and have had to revisit agreements both inside and outside of Court.
In order to save my sanity, I have to remind myself that in planning trips and experiences for my children, I am not in competition with my ex-spouse! As such, I include my kids in planning (unless it is a surprise, of course) and keep their best interest in mind. When it is not my turn to take them somewhere, I am sure to communicate with my ex-spouse to establish clear guidelines for the safety of my children. We share emergency contact information and discuss any concerns we have. For example, I do not like my daughter going to a restroom unattended and have reached an agreement with my ex-spouse that he will walk with her to the restroom and wait outside for her. I ask for regular updates and we have an agreement that response time is critical. We communicate the expectations with our children so they feel peace of mind as well.
Traveling with children after divorce when custody is shared can present a unique set of challenges, both financially and emotionally. However, by addressing these challenges and proactively employing effective strategies, you can create a more positive and stable experience for your children…and save your own sanity. Remember that your children’s well-being should always be the top-priority and the need and deserve experiences with both parents. Maintain open lines of communication with your ex-spouse that curb potential arguments, seek professional guidance when necessary, and work together to provide your children with safe and enriching experiences. With careful planning and commitment to cooperation, you can make shared custody arrangements work for your family and create lasting, positive memories for your children. Through these steps, you are helping them heal post-divorce. Reminding myself that my children are better off with all of these efforts has helped me save my sanity.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
