1. “Fair” is Subjective & No One is a “Winner”
Daily, the family law attorney helps a client endure the end of a very personal part of their world, with all of the emotions that come with such a task and distilling the issues down to legal matters that our court system is able to address. There are times in this process that a situation presented to a family law attorney has no available legal remedy. On top of this, the attorney must balance the stories of at least two people who have very different views on what happened and what a “fair” outcome looks like. The only thing that is certain in a family law dispute is that the parties will never agree on the definition of “fair” and that neither party will get exactly everything they want. Compromise will be required – whether it is agreed to between the parties, or ordered from a Judge – compromise will happen.
2. The Court Cannot Make Your Ex into an Amazing Human Being…or even a Good Parent
Trust me. Beyond every person that endures a divorce, custody matter, or other family law dispute, every Family Law Attorney wishes that the Court was able to make every person that appears in the courtroom into a better person or model parent…often more so than any client or party. Model parents that do everything right in the world of child custody and child support would be wonderful. That parents use all their parenting time to spend with the children to develop a strong relationship with them; that parents never interfere, however slight, with the other parent’s parenting time; that parents make minor adjustments to the parenting schedule when situations arise that call for compromise; and that both parents remain cordial for the children’s sake even though they are no longer in a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, these expectations are simply unrealistic. In a world of different opinions held by pretty much everyone (mother, father, attorney for husband, attorney for wife, Judge, or any other person inhabiting this planet), the problem is determining what a universal “model” looks like. These differing opinions combined with certain constitutional legal rights of individual autonomy and ability to parent independently, leave the Courts allowing a parent to be “good enough” even if such a situation may not be ideal for a child. As a result, a party enduring a family law dispute, in particular a child custody dispute, will be left feeling as though what the other parent is doing is not “right” or is not what should happen; more times than not, it likely falls in the category of “not ideal, but not addressable by the Court.” For these items of contention and because of this reality, it is a great idea to have a connection with a professional counselor to help process related feelings and develop coping methods now and in the future.
3. The Spending Habits of One Spouse will likely be paid by Both Spouses in a Divorce
While I know society portrays marriage as a commitment made of love, the Court often sees a marriage more like a business arrangement. In this arrangement, it is presumed that anything done, or spent by either party to this arrangement of the marriage is something both parties are responsible for and have consented to. So, when it comes time to “unwind” this business of a marriage, the debts of one party are very often included in what needs to be divided between the two of you. This often impacts what the overall division of property and debts looks like at the end of the day.
4. An “Emergency” can take Weeks to be Addressed
Just about everywhere else in our society, when someone says something is an emergency, it is expected to be handled if not right then and there, then within a day or two at most. In family court, it is not uncommon for an “emergency matter” to take a week or more to be resolved. On top of that, the situations that would qualify for an emergency hearing under the law rarely align with what the average person would consider as an emergency. The Court will assist in unique and limited circumstances, especially when being asked to move on an “emergency” basis.
5. The Family Law Process Requires Patience
The litigation process has many procedural steps to it, and those steps automatically mean that your family law matter will take several months, and very often, years to reach a conclusion. Within that time frame, there are periods of little action other than waiting for a date on a calendar. It is a good idea to discuss these realities with your attorney at the beginning of the process and then develop a plan for how you will deal with that reality financially and emotionally. No one is prepared for divorce, a contentious legal dispute, or fight over their children; however, the best thing you can do is to prepare as much as possible and then work the plan that you prepared with your Family Law Attorney.
If you or someone you know is going through a family law dispute, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
Family is at the heart of everything I do, both personally and professionally. As a Family Law Attorney, I combine my passion for helping others with my unique journey—from growing up as the eldest child in a single-parent household to becoming the first attorney in my family. My experiences shaped my dedication to advocating for families in their most critical moments. Whether you’re building, protecting, or securing your family’s future, I’m here to help you find meaningful resolutions tailored to your needs.
