Communicating with an Ex can be tricky for many people, especially if children are involved and regular communication is required. Avoid setting off any “fireworks” in your family with a few of my conflict reducing tips and tricks for communication:

  • Communicate in Writing: Emails or text messages are the most effective way to communicate with an Ex because you will both have a record of the conversation. Verbal communication is great, but often both of you may take away a different understanding of the conversation, confuse a pick-up time, or interpret the conversation entirely differently. Such confusion happens often, so memorializing the understanding in writing is recommended. Of course, if an emergency presents itself, a phone call may be necessary. If communication struggles persist, you can sign up for a parenting app that often makes scheduling, communication, and organization of information easier.  
  • Respond within 48 Hours: Once you receive an email or text message, assuming it is not time sensitive, respond within 24-48 hours. If you cannot respond in that timeframe, send your Ex a message saying you received their message and you will get back to them by a certain date, and then do just that! This practice builds confidence in the co-parenting relationship and keeps communication open between you both. It allows both parents to be heard.   
  • Keep Communication Business-Like: Talk to your Ex like they were a business partner. Keep the communication as professional as possibly, which means no name calling, emotional undertones, or derogatory comments. Even if they communicate in a rude tone, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are no longer in a personal relationship together. After a moment, focus on the business at hand. Not only will this help you (potentially in Court), but it will also help ease tension and bitterness that either party may feel. It’s okay to say “Thank you for sending that over to me,” “I will think about that and get back to you with my thoughts,” or “Let me think it over.”
  • Do Not Respond Immediately: Our nature is to immediately respond when a text message or email comes through, especially if we want to prove a point. However, when we respond in that way, we tend to respond with more emotion than necessary and forget to address the actual issues presented in the communication. At a minimum take an hour, absorb the message, and then respond. Again, it is okay to ask for additional time to think through an issue especially if it is big decision that involves education, medical care, or travel. If you don’t know how to respond, feel free to reach out to a resource too. This could be your level-headed friend, your family law attorney, or your therapist. Avoid responding too quickly, because once the message is sent you cannot take it back. And we want to avoid you regretting any communications sent to your Ex that could negatively impact your family, you children, or more importantly, you.
  • Share Information: When a child is involved, share information that your Ex may be interested in such as: sports schedules, teacher-parent conferences, medical appointments, and the like. This helps build a positive relationship that will benefit the child. If you create an open line of communication and remain disciplined in the conveying of information, then your Ex will hopefully catch on and reciprocate the efforts. 

If you are having issues communicating with your Ex in the midst of a family law dispute, our Modern Legal team is here to help. 

Written by: Theresa E. Viera

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