Marriage is complex topic. I have literally seen all aspects of a marriage. I have been a bridesmaid multiple times and elated to see my best friends getting married to their person. I have also been the divorce attorney sitting next to my clients as they endure the grief and emotional rollercoaster of ending a marriage. During law school, I even choreographed the first dance for many engaged couples for their wedding day. From my perspective, it all comes down to planning, hard discussions, and working with the belief that a marriage is possible for you.
Marriage is like a business relationship. Marriage takes more than love. Marriage takes more than physical attraction. Marriage requires work, compromise, honesty, and belief in something bigger than any one individual. Because of these factors, I view marriage much like a business relationship. In similar ways, a marriage nor a business will be successful if only one person takes the lead or believes in the project. A marriage and a business require a team.
Have you ever heard of a mission statement or vision? At times, a business expresses its mission statement and vision with cliché lines on their website or may even paint huge words on the side of their walls. But yes, that is what I am talking about. In the same way a business benefits, defining a mission statement and vision for your marriage can be the start of building a healthy marriage.
To create a “Marriage Statement,” as a team, you want to clarify what you want your marriage to be, how you want to live out your marriage, and what do you want to achieve with your marriage. Do you want to be the couple that is always going on the road seeking another adventure? Or do you want to be the couple that bakes wholesome apple pies for the houses on your block? Do you want to live abundantly with fancy clothing and a big house? Or do you want to live with a minimal mindset, a small home, and more money in the bank? Most importantly, what do you want to achieve with your marriage? Do you want to live a long and happy life together? Do you want to live generously by giving away all your fortunes to those less fortunate? Do you want to visit every country in the world? Do you want to have as many children as possible to fill a basketball roster? Or do you want to sit next to someone every night when the sun sets? The possibilities are boundless; but to create a strong marriage, you want to align your vision and core values with those of your spouse so that you remain on the same page and path through life together.
After you have the guiding principle reflected in a Marriage Statement, you want to further define your Marriage Vision and Lifestyle. Think about the various categories of your life that influence your wellness and happiness, and discuss your personal practices and goals with your partner. Although your personal practices and goals do not necessarily need to be the same, your visions and lifestyles should overall further your Marriage Statement. (For example: If you want to bake those apple pies for the neighbors, then clearly one of you needs to be able to bake.)
Start with these categories to help you clarify your vision and lifestyle, both as individuals and together as a team:
Physical
Emotional
Social/Key Relationships
Financial/Money management
Spiritual
Intellectual
Career/Professional Goals
Expand or adjust this list as you and your partner see fit. Through this practice, the hope is that each of you will make minor adjustments and compromises that allow both of you to fulfill your goals and achieve your marriage statement.
Now all of this sounds nice and dandy…but does it actually work? Well, that is up to you.
Founded in 1985, this corporation was founded by the merger of two large companies. In furtherance of displaying its mission statement, vision and values, this corporation promised to conduct itself with “Integrity, Communication, Respect and Excellence.” These values were printed on their annual report and literally painted on the wall. Its website expanded by including statements that “we treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves” and “we do not tolerate abusive or disrespectful treatment.” This corporation’s name: Enron. In December 2001, Enron filed the largest bankruptcy in American corporate history. Due to blatant lying about revenues and profits as well as hiding liabilities, the business collapsed. But what if the executives had followed their mission statement, vision, and values that were literally painted on the wall? What if the first suggestion at covering up a liability had been rejected? What if the first person who discovered that the numbers looked wrong was listened to and corrective measures were taken? Would Enron still be a functioning and profitable business?
If you are someone you know wants to learn about their marital rights, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Theresa E. Viera
