Ever since I was two years old, I have been a vital piece of my parents’ legal journey. I have witnessed numerous ups and downs of family law from both of my parents’ perspectives. With that being said, every situation is different, and there is no way to predict exactly how children are going to react, especially in times of increased stress. I do, however, have some words of advice that I would have given my parents roughly two decades ago when they were dealing with our own family law matters.
Avoid Oversharing Information: This can be a difficult request because for some parents, a majority of their time is spent with their children. It can be easy to ramble or rant about your legal journey to your kids since they are around; but remember, children do not necessarily understand what is going on. It can be stressful for your child if they feel caught in between their parents. Children should not be their parents’ therapist especially if the children are already getting used to a new living arrangement. The main takeaway is that your child should not feel as though they are in the middle of a legal issue. The children’s job for the moment is to enjoy being a kid. It is okay to be honest about emotions with them though. Family changes can take an emotional toll on everyone involved, and if you are honest about when you are having bad days, they may feel more inclined to tell you about their bad days as well.
Be Amicable (at least in front of the children): This is another tough ask but is important for your children. I grew up very aware that my parents did not particularly favor each other, and this can be uncomfortable to say the least. Not all parents that share a child need to be best friends, but having a decent relationship with each other for your children’s sake is important, if possible. This goes hand-in-hand with the first tip, if you and the other parent are not getting along keep this information private and away from your children. Do not speak poorly about the other parent in front of your children. This may make the children feel like they need to pick a side and can cause unintended trauma and emotional harm for years to come.
Encourage Open Communication with Your Child. When I was growing up, I heard both sides from my parents, and I would listen and very nonchalantly agree with whatever that parent said. I did this for a couple reasons (a) I wanted the conversation to be over, (b) I had no idea what they were talking about for the most part, and (c) I did not want to get in the middle of this much larger fight. If you can get a good grasp of this last piece of advice, then the other two points are slightly less relevant because your children can tell you when they are uncomfortable with the situation. Open communication is a two-way street, and it may require that you be somewhat vulnerable or compassionate. Only your children can tell you exactly how they are feeling about the situation so it may be beneficial to talk directly to them, rather than assuming how they are doing.
At the end of the day, children just want to be loved and their parents to be happy. You cannot control everything that happens especially during a separation, divorce, or high conflict custody matter; however, you can control how you respond to these tough changes and how you interact with your children. Family law matters can be complicated and tough to navigate but if you’re prioritizing the well-being of yourself and your children, then you are on the right track.
If you are trying to figure out what is best for your children in your family law matter, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Theresa E. Viera
