Going through a divorce can seem overwhelming after years of investing your heart, finances, and time in your marriage. Many clients struggle with the emotional aspect of a divorce as much as the legal aspect. Finding a “new normal” without their spouse is often a very “low” place for many individuals. So where do you go from here? Watching clients grapple with the emotions of parting from a spouse inspired me to not only help clients with their legal portion of the case but also the emotional side. My hope for my clients is to not only provide legal guidance but protect their internal peace.
My first suggestion is to consider speaking with a professional counselor or therapist. With mental health taking a bigger spotlight in the United States than previous decades, there are several options to get experienced help. With online counseling from sites such as BetterHelp or Talkspace to in-person local counselors, you can find resources to help fit your schedule and life. Professional counseling can provide you with support, stability, and give you an outlet to speak openly about your feelings. While a counselor cannot provide legal advice, they can discuss your feelings and suggest steps to help you create a new normal. Many people enjoy speaking with a professional counselor because the counselor is not emotionally invested in the case like a friend or family member may be. Speaking with someone who does not know you or your spouse can create a safe space, rational third-party perspective, and source of relief for your emotions and turmoil.
Also, consider finding a hobby or defining a new goal. Finding something to relieve stress or finding enjoyment can be therapeutic. Whether it is reconnecting with an old hobby or finding a new one, many people need something to focus on that is positive. Many people find exercise (walking, running, biking, yoga, etc.) therapeutic. Exercise can also be a great way to connect with new people by joining a gym or connecting virtually. It can also help set new goals for yourself such as running a 5K, walking a mile every day, or attending two yoga classes a week. If exercise isn’t your thing, consider gardening, puzzles, reading, meditating, or adopting a pet. Finding a little joy in everyday life can go a long way when you have the added stress of divorce. Taking thirty minutes to yourself each day can reinvigorate and strengthen you to move forward.
Finding resources, such as the one you are currently reading, can be a huge help in navigating the emotions of a divorce. Books such as Something Gained by Deb Purdy, Learning How to Heal a Broken Heart by Marvin Scholz, or Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst can be great resources and guide for the road ahead. Additionally, finding a local discussion group or divorce support group, can be a great place to connect with those who have been through a similar experience. Many of these groups are hosting virtual events, due to Covid-19, making these groups even more accessible to you.
If you have medical concerns about how you are feeling, it is always a great idea to speak with a medical professional who can assess any underlying medical conditions. The divorce process does not only affect your emotional state, it also affects your physical state. The medical professional may also be able to help in situations of depression, anxiety, or other conditions. Expressing your feelings and concerns to a medical professional may be the right step in helping you find your peace in the process.
While it is often hard to make that first step, these professionals and resources can also be a supportive piece of your overall health and wellness. Without a doubt, a divorce is stressful no matter how cordial or confrontational your case may be.
Finally, speaking with your attorney about your feelings and concerns can help both your attorney and you strategize the legal aspects of your case. Open communication helps with feelings of being overwhelmed or stressed. When an attorney knows about your mental and physical health, your attorney can also guide you in exploring different legal options specific to your desired goals. For example: you may be entitled to more money should a divorce dispute go through the full litigation process (which may take years); however, if you want to resolve your case sooner for your own well-being, then there may be other legal options in resolving the matter more efficiently, such as mediation.
Schedule a call with your attorney so you can know what the next step is for your case. Moving one step at a time, one day at a time, can provide comfort and peace in each decision. Let your attorney be a supportive ear and provide you with additional options for support.
If you are having difficulty coping with divorce, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country.
Written by: Megan S. White
