I Am An Ugly Crier.
I am a lot of things.
I am a mom. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend.
I am well educated. I am a strict dieter.
I am silly. I am a Netflix junkie. I am a health nut.
I am disciplined. I am a dreamer.
Of all the things I am, I am NOT a pretty crier…not even a little bit.
This is a truly unfortunate trait during mediation because I cried. I cried a lot. I felt foolish, embarrassed and even a little bit ridiculous for crying my way through two mediation sessions.
My attorney, Theresa Viera, reminded me that it is normal to feel emotional while deciding on the legal matters stemming from my marriage: child custody, child support, spousal support, and equitable distribution of property. These are not super light subjects to work through. Looking back, I wish I had known the following about mediation before going in.
1. Make Up Tip: Waterproof mascara. Period.
2. Mediation Can Take All Day: Pack snacks, drinks, and things to keep you busy during negotiations (there is a lot of down time when the mediator is working with the opposing party). Wear comfortable clothing and allow yourself to take as many stretch breaks as needed. During my mediation, they offered me one soda after another and I allowed myself to drink them all. Soda makes me happy…and it’s important to do whatever it takes to maintain a positive mindset during this emotional time.
3. Be Prepared: Come to mediation with your ideal plan in each area to be negotiated. Your attorney will help you prepare for this ahead of time. While you are calm (before your mediation date), decide what you will be firm on and what you can be loose on in order to reach an agreement with your (ex) spouse. Do not allow your emotions to take over during this time. The mediator’s job is to help both sides reach an agreement outside of litigation/court, but your attorney will not make you compromise your priorities.
4. Budget Accordingly: Your attorney and the mediator are working during mediation. This means that they will both bill you for their time and expertise. The mediator usually requests to be paid before you leave the mediation office. Sometimes this will be split 50/50 between you and the opposing party. Ask for the mediator’s hourly rate before you go into mediation so you have time to save the necessary amount. Make sure you ask for your parking to be validated and request a soda to go. While mediation is expensive, it is a fraction of the cost related to litigation. Try and make it work. It will save a lot of tears in the long run.
I have now forgiven myself for the crying habit I developed while enduring the understandable and real trauma related to separation and divorce. Mediation is TOUGH, but I am tougher. I am on the other side of the hard part. I am experiencing happiness once again. I am doing okay with the arrangements agreed upon during mediation. I still cry from time to time, but mostly happy tears. I am living as happily ever after as possible. You will too.
Personal Recommendation:
If mediation offers a possible resolution in your separation and divorce, take advantage of that option. You can attend mediation more than one time if that is what it takes to reach an agreement. Invest effort into meaningful preparation for this important step in your separation and divorce so you can remain aligned to your priorities during this emotional time. Bring tissues. You might cry…and it is totally okay if you do. Tears are nothing your waterproof mascara can’t handle.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
