Which Parenting Style is the Best Fit for Your Family?
Figuring out a parenting style that will best fit your family after a separation or divorce is something that takes time. When navigating the process, remember:
No two families are alike, so the exact details of a parenting style can vary from family to family.- The process that works best for you today may not be the same in the next year or some time in the future.
- The overall goal is to discover how to communicate necessary information about the child and develop the new dynamics within this family system in a fashion that provides the healthiest environment possible for your shared children, and hopefully for the parents as well.
Two primary options are co-parenting and parallel parenting.
Co-parenting is what many people think of when they think about children having parents in separate households. It involves the parents working together to continue parenting the child in a unified way, despite being in different households. There are often numerous communication “touch points” or ways in which the parents communicate with each other (i.e. face to face, phone calls, texts, emails). In the ideal situation, there is a maximum amount of cooperation and compromise between the parents to foster a healthy environment for the child.
Parallel parenting is another option generally more beneficial for those in a high-conflict custody situation or if domestic violence is a factor. Parallel parenting provides a framework where each parent will parent the child independently when they are with the child. Unlike co-parenting, each parent essentially operates separate and apart from the other parent on most decisions that are needed when the children are in their care. Traditionally, both parents do not attend the same functions, appointments, or child-related events. Another hallmark of parallel parenting is that the communication between the parents is kept to an absolute minimum and is often relegated to one form of communication. This singular form of communication could be a specific means of communication such as text or email only, a third party application, or a shared parenting platform. As technology has increased, there are more resources available to parents in parallel parenting situations that allow all communications and calendars in one secure place. The boundaries created by parallel parenting reduce the amount of conflict or violence that the child would otherwise be exposed to.
Parallel parenting requires a considerable amount of planning, adjustment, and commitment to the process in the beginning; however, as the parties continue in the process, the new communication style often becomes more routine. Most importantly, it significantly reduces the stress felt by all individuals involved – most importantly the children.
Some keys to having a successful parenting experience include:
- A clearly defined parenting arrangement which can be reflected in a detailed parenting agreement or custody order.
- Clarification on if the parents will utilize a third party parenting application, such as Our Family Wizard. These apps are able to keep a record of communications, schedules, and even provide legal resources if needed.
- Maintaining and respecting the other parent’s boundaries. Even in the best of co-parenting relationships, boundaries must be maintained to ensure the children’s needs remain the priority.
Requests for parenting time exchanges and accurate documentation of ongoing conversations between the parties are two areas that often cause conflict between parties.
If you have found yourself in a custody situation where things seem to just not be working and the level of conflict remains particularly high, it may be time to discuss specific and different parenting styles with a professional in order to help ultimately improve the environment for the child.
If you are developing a shared parenting arrangement for your family, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
