Will the kids be ok? Tips to Reduce Stress in Children Following a Separation or Divorce
When life as you know it changes, it is common – if not expected – that there will be a period of grief that follows. Going through a separation or divorce is no different. There is a mourning period of what was – and that can be a relatively brief or longer period of time. It is personal for each individual. For children, it can be particularly difficult to navigate this period of time as they often do not have, nor should they, all of the information behind what made this change necessary.
Seeing your child in pain is the last thing a parent wants to see, and many often feel guilt and concern that they “brought this on their children.” It is often the first year following a separation or divorce that is most difficult. Below are a few tips to reduce the stress felt by children during this period and increase their ability to adjust to the changes effectively.
Routine
One of the most crucial things you can do after a significant change to your children’s life is to provide consistency in their routine. This means maintain consistent discipline practices, develop a consistent schedule for the children to see and spend time with each parent, and continue as much of their pre-separation routine as possible.
While things have changed, the more they see that they can still depend on a schedule for seeing each parent, their anxiety and fear of the unknown will diminish.
Coping skills
The ability to name and manage the emotions they are feeling during this time will be essential to adjusting to their “new normal”. Working with your children to develop practices they can use when they feel stressed is helpful and can be an additional bonding experience for you and your children.
Skills such as describing and naming what they feel; deep breathing exercises (ex. Belly breathing, box breathing); progressive muscle relaxation (ex. Squeeze & relax); exercise; journaling; listening to music; and grounding exercises (Ex. 5-4-3-2-1 technique) are a few skills that can help your children (and you) deal with the emotions that come with the adjustment of separation and divorce.
Calm environment
Some separations and divorces come after periods of intense conflict within the home. The change associated with the separation can bring about a reduction in stress felt by children simply because that conflict is no longer present in their daily living environment. It is important to provide that in as many spaces as possible. Interactions with your children’s other parent should be as calm and respectful as possible. If this means that interaction is limited or that communication for a period is best handled virtually (email or via app) that is fine if the end result is (1) keeping your children out of the middle of the adult issues between parents, (2) maintaining calm within your children’s environment (3) the opportunity for parental conflict is minimized and (4) it increases the ability of successful co-parenting.
The grief and adjustment period following a separation and divorce is a difficult period for everyone involved. Acknowledge that it is hard at the moment and remember that it will not be this way always. We are all capable of adapting to changes in our environment and this is no different. Focus on what you can control and utilize some of the suggestions above or create some of your own to help your children through this period.
If your children are having difficulty coping with separation or divorce, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.
Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina and South Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country.
Written by: Tiffany A. Byrd
Family is at the heart of everything I do, both personally and professionally. As a Family Law Attorney, I combine my passion for helping others with my unique journey—from growing up as the eldest child in a single-parent household to becoming the first attorney in my family. My experiences shaped my dedication to advocating for families in their most critical moments. Whether you’re building, protecting, or securing your family’s future, I’m here to help you find meaningful resolutions tailored to your needs.
