Handling Conflict During a Family Law Matter
“What is the best way to avoid a nasty divorce or custody dispute?” No…there is no simple answer like “just don’t get divorced.” The answer is never to simply avoid the conflict. If you are reading this article, you probably already know that there are times that a divorce or custody dispute is necessary to ensure safety and security for all individuals and children involved.
The answer I usually give? You do you – but remember the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with the other parent or soon to be ex. Do not focus on your history – that is literally in the past. Rather, consider relationship strategies that you would employ with a friend, relative or co-worker. Not only could this save some sort of relationship (even if you prefer to move forward divorced or in separate houses); but in the event that a conflict occurs again, you are better prepared to handle the stressors that accompany it.
To develop a balance between your needs and the needs of others in healthy relationships, define your boundaries. Define what you are attempting to protect. The first thing that might come to mind: “I want to protect my sanity.” I get it, maintaining composure in a heated situation is very difficult. First, take a deep breath. Then, take yourself out of the immediate situation and think on a larger scale. What are your core needs? What’s important to you and your children? What are your long-term goals? What develops your character? What reflects your genuine self? Although addressing these questions is a lifelong endeavor of development, once you have defined those core needs then you can figure out where your boundaries need to be set.
Managing conflict is also a vital skill in maintaining a healthy relationship. From your co-workers to your significant other, from your friends to your family, conflict can exist in every relationship. Conflict can be both constructive and destructive. Many people avoid conflict because they assume and fear that confrontation involves aggression, erratic behavior, and high emotions. In relationships where couples tend to avoid conflict rather than respectfully address it, the fear of conflict begins to dominate the relationship and the parties in the relationship grow apart. Eventually, such distance between spouses leads to divorce. In some unfortunate cases, the children are then thrown in the middle of a contentious relationship. If your eyes are open to these behaviors and conflict expectations are managed respectfully, conflict may actually bring individuals closer together.
How about scheduling family meetings? For example, when addressing financial issues, some couples agree to have a once a month financial meeting to review family goals and hurdles. Respectful management of conflict and any topic that may cause conflict may save your relationship.
Should a relationship still result in separation with children involved, parents will find the foundation to a co-parenting skill set is communicating and managing conflict without involving the children. Should a parent be unable to co-parent, then the Court may limit or reduce his or her parenting time as a result.
Reducing chaos and emphasizing a calm and measured approach by all sides to a conflict creates a productive discussion in which individuals have a better chance of being equals. At the core of any healthy relationship is the self-awareness that comes with a “You do you” and “I do me” approach, but also recognizing that a thoughtful response to conflict may be the saving grace that you have been missing.
If you are enduring a family law dispute with a desire to better manage the conflict involved, our Modern Legal team is here to help.
Written by: Theresa E. Viera
