“Becoming the Enemy Overnight”
After my consultation with Family Law Attorney Theresa Viera, I was prepared to start the process of legal separation from my spouse. Theresa was exceptional in outlining the process that would occur and even the emotions my children and I may experience as we progressed through a long checklist of Divorce To Do’s. She provided me with a “homework assignment” that would allow her to have access to all of the information needed to prepare my case while at the same time being respectful of the space I needed to delicately navigate the emotionally difficult process of the life changing decision to divorce. As such, I was prepared for the temporary financial stress related to equitable distribution of property and related attorney fees. I was prepared for the emotional stress related to child custody. I was even prepared for the unkind text messages and phone calls from my (former) spouse that came as a result of me “ruining his life”.
I was not, however, prepared to become the enemy overnight.
I hadn’t even realized that separating from a long time spouse also meant separating from his family…who I had called my own for nearly half of my life. In making the difficult decision to legally separate from my spouse, I became the enemy overnight. A once well loved, cared for and celebrated spouse/daughter-in-law/sister-in-law, I was immediately discarded and disregarded.
In talking to my support network, I realized that this is sometimes “normal” in divorce and I came to understand that this was not personal. My (ex) husband is a child, brother, cousin, nephew and friend to a family and community who provided the support system he needed during this process. If I’m honest, I had the same support on my side…and everyone deserves that during a drastic life change. Through regular support from a trusted network of friends, I have decided to give everyone the space they need for now, but I have promised myself to keep an open mind.
Relationships may mend. They will always be different and are forever changed by the divorce process, but maybe I won’t always be the enemy. Maybe I’ll regain my ally status. Then again, maybe I won’t. Either way, it isn’t personal. It’s just the way it has to be for now.
Personal Recommendation:
If you have decided that legal separation and divorce is the best option for the peace and well being of yourself (and your children), seek support. You will experience many emotions as you work through the Divorce To Do checklist and associated homework assignments. You may even become the enemy overnight. Remind yourself that it is NOT personal and that relationships may repair overtime. I personally recommend DivorceCare if you are seeking a Christian based support group.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
