Three years post-divorce and I am still celebrating anniversaries. Not a wedding anniversary to be clear…and not a divorce-versary either. I am celebrating three years since I last endured Domestic Violence and the comfort I gained from filing a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO or 50B order).
I was only four years into my eventual twenty-year marriage when the person who had promised to love me through any challenge hurt me. Yes, he hurt my feelings and he hurt my pride too. More significantly, he physically hurt me. He had spent the day on the golf course with his buddies, drinking too much in the summer sun. When he returned home, he was fired up and BRAVE. When I made a comment about him being drunk, he slammed the door.
On my wrist.
Repeatedly.
Until it turned black and blue and throbbed in pain.
He then went to take a shower and fell asleep. We never spoke about it again. I was in shock and brushed it off, ultimately blaming myself for confronting him when I knew he had been drinking. Unfortunately, this cycle of domestic violence (and my shame) continued for sixteen more years. With each year, the intensity of the damage, emotional manipulation, and physical assaults grew until I had become so numb that I accepted this as my “normal.” I would come to learn and belief that there is NOTHING normal about domestic violence and it is NEVER acceptable. No matter what. You do not have to accept your circumstances.
I have learned that Domestic Violence is more than just physical abuse. Rather, it is any action by the abuser to gain power and control over the victim. This can include physical violence, sexual abuse, threats, humiliation, constant criticism, gaslighting, name-calling, isolating the victim from others, or limiting the victim’s access to money, transportation, or employment. Domestic Violence does not discriminate: it can affect both women and men regardless of education level, socio-economic status, race, ethnicity, or any other human characteristic you can think of.
If you think you may be in a domestic violence situation, I would recommend not to wait. Depending on your specific situation, talk with an attorney as soon as possible. If you get caught in an emergency though, you may want to file a Domestic Violence Order of Protection through the Court yourself (and it is free). The very first thing I did, I googled “How to Get a Protection Order in North Carolina.” The forms are literally online. Then I took it to a clerk’s window at the courthouse. From there, I was guided through the process where I met a Judge and ultimately obtained a temporary Ex Parte Domestic Violence Protective Order.
After I filed my complaint and received an Ex Parte Domestic Violence Protective Order, I immediately scheduled a consultation with Theresa Viera. I provided her with the order and she provided me with next steps. She was present with me the rest of the way. I wish I could say that meeting in court with my abuser was the first, last and only, but it was not. My divorce proceedings took about 18 months thereafter. I could not have managed things alone during the most highly emotional and uncertain time of my life, but Modern Legal stood by my side and took control when needed.
I have been free of a very private, personal hell for three years now. I am not only surviving, but I am thriving. I will not try to convince you that the legal process was easy or stress-free because it was not. But the other side of things? For me, the other side is paradise. Heaven on earth.
*If you or someone you know is enduring domestic violence, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
– Anonymous Client
“Through the Client’s Eye” blog series stems from the desire of Modern Legal clients to share information to those who have yet to endure a family law matter. Each client’s story is exquisitely unique; however, there are many times when a client will say at the end of the case, “I wish I had known…” This blog series focuses on filling that gap as a means to help anyone who is about to start or is in the midst of a family law dispute. The comments contained in each blog reflect the feelings and viewpoint of the respective client. All identifying information has been withheld to protect said client’s identity as well as any related legal matter.
